Marital Friendship and the Positive Perspective

​In this subchapter, we’ll briefly consider whether the marital friendship is, as a whole, on a positive or negative course.

The Positive Perspective
“This level is basically a byproduct of how the rest of the relationship is going. It is what it feels like in the relationship. How things are on the lower three levels of the Sound Relationship House determine whether this level is positive or negative.
 
“If a couple’s Love Maps are well maintained, they are respectful and affectionate with each other and they usually turn towards one another’s bids for connection, then the perspective they have on their relationship will be positive. On the other hand, when aspects of these three underlying friendship levels are weak, then the perspective each will have on their relationship will be negative.
 
“Whether their perspective is positive or negative determines a lot of things, including the presence of positive affect in problem-solving discussions and the success of repair attempts.
 
“In addition, these first three levels of the Sound Relationship House and the resulting perspective form the basis for romance, passion, and good sex in the relationship.”  Penner, p. 27
 
Scriptures: Proverbs 8:17; Proverbs 18:22; Proverbs 31:10-11; Romans 15:14; Phil. 4:8

​​“I hope that the information in these last three chapters has helped you bolster you marital friendship by updating you love maps, deepening your fondness and admiration, and increasing your tendency to turn toward each other. As we’ve seen, friendship is critical to a relationship’s long-term health because it is the key to Positive Sentiment Override (PSO), that powerful force that lets you maintain trust and offer each other the benefit of the doubt when conflicts arise. Once you’ve worked through these first three principles, I suggest you take a moment to fill out the following questionnaire before reading the rest of the book. It will help you assess your current level of PSO and determine whether it’s been reinvigorated or could use some more attention and reinforcing.”  Gottman, p. 113
 
 
Exercise
On page 113 is the Positive Sentiment Override Questionnaire. If you score six or better, you and your partner have a strong friendship, which should greatly benefit your relationship. If you score below six, consider spending more time on the exercises with the first three levels.